Finding It
by SiobhanSnape
Summary: Hotch is upset Garcia is asking for a transfer but when he confronts her he gets an answer he never exspected.
1. the last thing

She was always there. Smiles, and loud spontaneous laughter! She was there when we walked into the office after a particularly long and hard case, smiling and handing out cookies as we walked by her. She was the light in our world. She made us smile just by walking into the room in her vibrant colored out fits, that would look horrible on most people, but on her they looked perfect. And now she was leaving, Penelope Garcia was asking for a transfer out of the BAU.

Standing Hotchner walked out of his office trying not to crumple her short but sweet resignation letter. As he walked down the hall to her room he looked out over the bull pen, they all seemed so happy so obviously she hadn't told them that she was leaving, or the whole team would be at her door asking why.

Not even thinking about knocking he opened her door.

"Sir…" she started but stopped when he turned and shut the door.

Looking back over at her he held up the letter "What is this?"

"My resignation letter Sir…" he shook my head and cut her off,

"I don't accept it" he said and put it on her desk "No transfer"

"But sir. I have a right to leave…" once again she was cut off

"You have the right?" he said starting to raise his voice "What's Wrong Garcia, are we treating you bad here? Are we not paying you enough? Is that it do you need a raise?"

"No.."

"or maybe an assistant. Please tell me what it is that I can do to get you to stay because I can't for the life of me imagine why you would want to leave…." And this time it was his turn to get cut off.

"I'M PREGNANT OKAY!" she shouted. And promptly turned red.

"Your what?" he asked dumbfounded "Oh well that's no reason to leave, JJ…"

"JJ had will, this was something that I did on my own because I knew I was never going to get married" she said and turned back to her computer.

"What do you mean?" he asked and looked at her quizzically,

" I went to a clinic. I'm six weeks today" turning back to him she smiled shyly " I wanted to have time for the baby so I thought by transferring to a slower unit would be better."

"Garcia, you don't have to transfer. We can work something out. You don't fly out with us very often so we can just nix that altogether until after the baby is born and you can have regular office ours when you get into your third trimester…" he said and pulled a chair over from the wall. " I know this is kind of late but, are you sure you want to do this alone?"

She nodded "Yes, I'm not getting any younger Hotch, and I want to be a mother."

"Okay" he said and stood up "So will you stay with us or do I have to go tell the rest of the team that you are trying to leave?"

"Oh you wouldn't!" she said and coverd her mouth in a gasp.

"Oh I would do just about anything to keep you here" he said and turned to leave.

"Thank you sir" He heard and turned back around

"For what?"

"talking some sense into me" she smiled up at him and then went back to her computers.

He stood there for a moment before he left and smiled at her back. He knew she would be a great mother and it tugged at his heart for a some strange reason that she would choose to do it alone.


	2. telling

Later that night Penelope buzzed around her kitchen making cookies. The girls were coming over for movie night and she was supplying the goodies. Pulling out a tray of fresh Chocolate chips cookies she smiled, they smelt just like Aaron….** _Wait! I did not just think that._** shaking her head she set the cookies on a cooling rack and pulled out some plates from the cupboard. Just as she was setting I the plates on the counter she heard the door bell ring.

"I'm coming" she yelled towards the door and wiped her hands. Crossing to the door she opened it and was surprised to see not only JJ and Emily but the whole team. " Oh I so did not make enough cookies for this!"

"Don't worry, I think Morgan brought cheese cake" Emily said and handed her a six pack of beer " sorry the guys insisted."

"Its okay they'll just have too suffer through lovey dovey movies!"

"Oh no! Rossi I thought you said she wouldn't make us!" Reid whined and set a bottle of wine on the counter.

"I said I hoped that's not what we were watching" Rossi said and kissed her cheek as he came in " sorry about crashing but we were bored"

"What did guys night fall through?" JJ said and took Henry from Morgan as he came in.

"yeah" Morgan said and grinned at Garcia. "I hope your not to mad, I know how you girls like to sit and watch sappy love movies that make you cry"

"oh hush you!" Penelope said and smiled brightly as she saw Jack run in the door "JACK! Hey buddy!"

"aunt pen daddy said you have cookies" he said and hugged her.

"Oh did he?" kneeling down to look him in the eye she nodded towards he kitchen " I just put some on the cooling rack, go get one"

Standing back up she almost laughed at the sight Aaron Hotchner made, he was holding a grocery bag, what looked to be an over night bag and several toys she was sure Jack insisted on bringing. He smiled a crooked smile at her and nodded.

"Came prepared did we" she said and took the toys from him.

"well you know Jack, he might be five but he sure does get dirty" he said and held up the bag, " plus he just has to take these toys with him every where now."

"he's a kid" she said and walked into the kitchen and laughed "Boys those cookies aren't even cold yet and you've eaten most of them."

Rossi, Jack and Morgan all smiled sweetly at her " And I know I only told Jack he could have a cookie!"

"but they looked so good" Morgan said

"yeah and they are the best when they are warm" Reid said as he came in and stole one off the rack.

"Shoo!" she said and waved them off. Grabbing a cloth off the counter she wiped Jack's face and shooed him away as well. "how you rein them in every day I will never know" she said to Hotch.

" well you bringing them goodies every time they get a scratch doesn't help!" he said and set the grocery bag on the counter. " now I'm making dinner why don't you open up that bottle of wine and pour us a glass."

"Hotch.." she started to protest.

"nope I know the drill your okay to have one glass a day, but don't make it a habit Hailey said it gave her heart burn" she nearly melted when he took off his coat as he spoke. He was wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and blue jeans, she be damn if he didn't look scrumptious right now.

"ok" she said and busied herself with opening the wine hoping he hadn't seen her blush.

"plus, it will help keep your secret for a little longer" she looked up at him puzzled. "If your not drinking they'll know something's up"

"oh right" and she cursed her self when she felt another blush creeping up. Clearing her voice she smiled at Hotch " so what Oh- Superior -One are you cooking for us tonight?"

"the best Hotchner Burgers ever!" he said and pulled out a tray of ground beef from the bag. Just as he started to open it Garcia put her hand over her mouth and ran to the bath room. "Pen?"

"Whats wrong?" Emily said as Garcia shut the door.

"Not sure" Hotch said and handed her the meat " can you make some patties for me while I check on her, all the stuff is in the bag"

He walked out of the room before she could respond and walked into Penelope's room and knocked on the bathroom door. " Pen?"

"I'm okay" she said and opened the door

"can't stand the smell of meat?" he said and put his hands on her shoulders

"Just raw meat, I didn't think this would happen so early on" she said and popped a piece of gum in her mouth. " come one before they notice"

After cleaning the kitchen ( leaving Emily to make patties, let alone cook at all, was a mistake Hotch learned never to do again) eating and three movies, Jack and Pen sat curled up on the couch while everyone else dosed on the floor. Hotch was leaned up against Penelope's over stuffed purple chair watching her run her fingers through his son's hair and murmur the words to a movie they had all watched a thousand times.

He smiled, she was so beautiful just sitting there, he was sure she didn't even know what she was doing. Her hair was falling out of the bun she'd had it in and she was wearing a set of pajamas with bright pink hearts all over them.

"you know Hotch you keep staring at her like that and I'm going to smack you" looking up he saw Morgan glaring at him.

" I don't know what your talking about" he said and popped some more popcorn into his mouth.

"sure" Morgan said and nudged Emily with his toe " wake up its way past our bed time"

Emily groaned and then smiled when she realized JJ had fallen asleep on Reid's shoulder while Henry was asleep in his lap. "when do you think they're going to pull their heads out of there asses?"

"about the same time you learn to cook" Rossi said and laughed when she threw a pillow at him.

"Okay kids get up, I'm sure Pen wants to sleep at some point" Hotch said and stood up. Pulling Emily up he turned and saw Penelope try and lift Jack up from the couch " Its okay I've got him" he said rather quickly and caused JJ and Reid to wake up.

"Everything ok" Rossi said eyeing Penelope and Hotch.

"Yeah, sure just peachy" Penelope said and tried not to blush.

"you sure about that baby, you're face is on fire" Morgan asked and felt her forehead "well you don't have a fever"

"I'm fine just … well" she stuttered and looked at Hotch. "oh crap I might as well tell you guys since your all here"

"Tell us what" Morgan said glared at Hotch.

"well I figured… you know since I'm never getting married.." she just couldn't finish so Hotch did it for her.

"she's pregnant, six weeks today in fact" he said and glared right back at Morgan.

"OH! I knew it!" JJ said and hugged her.

"how did you know?" pen asked but didn't get an answer because Morgan pushed Hotch.

"You bastard!" he said and walked out of the apartment.

"oh my God is it Hotch's?" Emily asked

"No!" Penelope said "I went to a clinic, I didn't want to wait anymore"

"Oh" Rossi said and patted her on her back. "well we should get going"

"yeah" JJ said and hugged her again " call me in the morning we so have to talk"

Hotch watched as Penelope hugged every one and shut the door behind them. It was his fault that Morgan was mad at her , he shouldn't have reacted the way he did when she tried to lift Jack.

"I'm sorry Pen" he said

"No its okay, He'll come around he's just pissed that I didn't tell him first." She said and started picking things up.

" no its not, I should have known better. And I didn't even try to explain to Morgan" picking up Jacks toys he looked at her and sighed, "Well it was a good night despite that"

"yeah, just remember if your going to cook around me again warn me about the raw meat" she laughed. And Hotch felt his cheeks warm, her laughter was beautiful.


	3. Whats is it?

A month later they had all settled into a routine, Every Friday, if it proved case free, they would go to Penelope's house and have dinner and movie night. It had already been a routine for the girls but now the guys were tagging along. The last Friday of the month Penelope sat in her office furiously typing away at her keyboard. Kevin Lynch had called. The bastard had actually had the nerve to call her and ask her to forgive him for leaving and moving to a whole other country. She'd politely told him through clenched teeth where he could stick his forgiveness and hung up.

But now she felt horrible, she had told him that he should take the job she just didn't know that he would break up with her once he got there. Looking at the clock on her computer she sighed, it was time to go, she had a doctors appointment in thirty minutes and if she was going to make it she needed to leave now.

Turning off her babies and locking to door behind her she walked up to Hotch's office and knocked.

He hollered an 'enter' and smiled when she walked in. "you heading out?"

"yeah, I'll be back after my appointment." shrugging into her coat she smiled back at him " I get my first sonogram today. I'm so excited!"

"And your going by yourself?" he said looking disappointed.

"Well yeah, its not like I have an anxious husband to come with me. You think they will tell me the sex of the baby today?" she asked

"maybe" he said and grabbed his coat, "Come on lets go see!"

"Hotch, you don't have too" she said but was jumping up and down inside.

"yes I do, no one should go to these appointments alone." he gave her a dazzling smile and nudged her out the door. " Come on I'll tell Derek where were going so he can call if we get a case."

She stilled for a moment but fallowed him, Derek was still sore about her being pregnant and after a long talk with him she realized that he wasn't just mad that he hadn't been told first, it was that she didn't think she could come to him about her concerns. She had realized then how distant their friendship had become.

"Hey, Morgan. I'm taking Pen to her doctors appointment call us if anything comes up" Hotch said and turned to Penelope. "Ready?"

"yeah" she said and turned to Derek and smiled. He nodded to her and turned away. Now he was going to be even more pissed that she hadn't asked him to go to the doctors appointment. Damn

Once they got to the Doctors office they were informed that her doctor was ahead of schedule, and she could just go right in. After changing into a gown and asked a million questions, She asked them to let Hotch in so that he could see the Baby too.

He smiled when he came in and pulled a chair to the side of the bed. "are you ready? When me and Hailey saw Jack for the first time she cried."

"I can't wait I hope that they can tell me if it's a girl or boy, I've got to start buying stuff." she replied excitedly.

Hotch went to say something, but the doctor came back in and smiled at the pair, "Oh you must be the baby's father, I'm "

"Oh… no" Penelope started but was cut off when Hotch put out his hand and shook the doctors hand

"Aaron Hotchner" he said and winked at Penelope. "So can we see the sex of the baby today?"

"Well its still a few weeks early but we can try" the doctor smiled at them again, pulled up Penelope's gown a little and squirted some jelly on her stomach. "Okay you see this is the head and the feet"

"Oh wow" Penelope said and grabbed Hotch's hand not even realizing what she was doing.

"Oh and hear you go, it's a girl" the doctor said and Penelope covered her mouth with her free hand.

"a little girl did you hear that Hotch I'm having a little girl"

"I heard Pen" he said and kissed the hand that he was holding. "A little girl and she's going to look exactly like you"

She smiled up at him and he wiped away a few stray tears. This is what it was supposed to be like all the time she wasn't supposed to be pregnant and alone she was supposed to be loved and sharing these moments with some one all the time. Looking back at the Doctor she tried not to think about it.

" Okay I'm going to print these out and then you can go. But I want you to make an appointment for next month." he said and she nodded and sat up.

"you okay Pen" turning she looked at Hotch and saw his worried expression.

"I'm fine just a little overwhelmed" letting go of her hand she rubbed her belly "Its like its all really happening now, I'm really having baby Hotch! And I'm not married"

With that she started crying and Hotch pulled her into his arms. " thought you were happy about this."

"I am I guess I'm just a bit nervous." she said and looked up at him. "sorry."

"Its okay, after Hailey and an ever emotional JJ while she was pregnant, I think I'm okay with crying women." he laughed and she smacked his arm.

"oh hush you , come on out with you so that I can get dressed" with that he left the room laughing and she shook her head. The man was going to drive her crazy. He was all suit and tie at work, he hardly ever smiled, and it was confusing the hell out of her, because when it was just the two of them he never stopped smiling.


	4. Almost lost

Just as they walked into the BAU, JJ came up and said they had a case, Hotch squeezed Penelope's hand and rushed off to the conference room. Penelope started to go to her office when she was stopped by a grinning JJ, "you and Hotch huh?"

"no" she said and winked at her friend " He just didn't want me to go to the appointment by myself."

As she walked off she heard JJ laugh and call out "you keep telling yourself that!"

Later that night Penelope was packing up her things when her telephone rang "Oracle of all things technical, how can I help you?"

"Pen, its Morgan"

"Oh hey did you need something?" she said feeling her heart quicken, he never called her Pen.

"You need to come down to the hospital" he said

"oh my god who got hurt?" he was silent like he was contemplating whether he should tell her over the phone " it was Hotch right?"

"Yes, Pen" he breathed. Shocked she sat down in her chair and tried not to cry.

"where's Jack, I have to go get Jack"

"JJ is picking him up now." Morgan said "you need to get here fast."

"I'm on my way" she said and was out the door and in her car in a flash. She didn't even remember driving to the hospital, she was thinking to much and it passed by in a blur.

When she got there she spent twenty minutes arguing with the tall blond nurse who wouldn't tell her where Hotch was. "Look lady I don't care if I'm not family, he is my boss and friend and you are going to tell me where he is or I'm going too…"

"Garcia!" turning she saw JJ walking up to her. "Its okay she's on the list"

Glaring at the nurse Penelope turned back to JJ "what happened last time I talked to him you were wrapping up some paperwork and headed home?"

"after we brought the guy in he went nuts, grabbed an officers gun and shot Hotch" when they reached a door JJ stopped and turned to her. "Its not as bad as it looks. It was a trough and through, his left arm."

"I'm going to kill that man." Penelope said and before she could charge into the room and rip him a knew one for scaring her so badly JJ stopped her again.

"He's a little shaken up go easy on him" Turing she opened the door and stepped in. Penelope stopped just inside when she saw him sitting up in bed talking quietly to Derek.

"why did you call her, she doesn't need to come, I'm okay" he said

"well she's be pissed if I didn't" Derek said and crossed his arms.

"Damn right I would!" Penelope added and walked all the way in. "What they hell were you doing? Was the case so boring that you had to go get shot and make it more exciting?"

"Pen…" Hotch started but she held up her hand.

"No, you" she said and then pointed at the rest of them "all of you get shot way to much! Do you know what I was thinking on the way over here?"

"Pen its not that bad!" Hotch said trying to get up but Rossi pushed him back down.

"I can't believe you, it is bad you got shot! Aaron! You could have gotten shot somewhere more vital and killed and then what the hell would I have done?" crossing her arms she glared at him " do you know what it does to me every time one of you ends up here, you're my family. And I need you."

Derek walked over to her and pulled her into a hug, wiping the tears from her face, "He's fine" he whispered.

"I know" she said and looked over at Hotch "I'm sorry. I think I'm just over emotional because of the baby"

JJ and Emily laughed, and Reid hugged her too. "It really wasn't Hotch's fault, the cop didn't have his gun clipped in." he said and stepped back.

"I know." she said " when can you get out of here Hotch?"

"As soon as they bring me the papers" just then Jack and Rossi came into the room carrying coffee and Ice-cream.

"Jackers!" Penelope said and picked him up. "I missed you!"

"Look, I got you Ice cream, daddy said I should get you some because it calms you down" he said innocently.

"did he now" she said and glared at Hotch as everyone else laughed. "well he was right I need some right about now."


	5. Crumbling

The next morning Hotch was struggling to get Jack dressed and get ready for work. His arm burned like hell and Jack was grumpy. He didn't have time for this, he had to be to work in twenty minutes and it would take longer then that to get Jack to his aunts house and to work.

"Come on buddy lets get you into some clothes."

"No, I want mommy!" Jack yelled and stormed down the hall to his room.

"Jack" Hotch called after him and was going to go after him but he heard the door bell ring. Stomping to the door he started to say something but stopped when he saw Penelope standing there "You are a sight for sore eyes"

"Well good morning to you to boss man." she said and walked past him into the house " I thought I would bring breakfast by today"

"We have to be at work in a few minutes" he said

" I called Morgan and told him we would be late." walking into the kitchen she pulled donuts and juice out of the bag. "Where's Jack?"

"In his room, he wants his mom" Hotch said solemnly and sat down at the table "I don't know what to tell him. She's been gone almost a year and he hasn't asked for her and now all the sudden he wants her"

"Oh hun, Its okay all kids do this when they loose parents, its been years since I lost mine and I still want them with me every day" she put a hand on his shoulder and kissed the top of his head "I'll go talk to him okay"

Hotch nodded and watched as she walked away. She had kissed him, yes it was only a pick on his head but the one little kiss made him burn. God what he wouldn't do to just grab her and kiss her. Shaking his head he got up and fallowed her to his sons room. Peeking through the door his heart burned for her even more when he saw that she was in Jacks rocking chair with him curled up in her lap.

"You know baby we all miss our mommies"

"I want her to come home" Jack whined

"I know hunny, and you know she's always with us, You see this picture" she said and picked up the picture next to them on the night stand. "she's right here in this picture, and in all of the pictures in the house. That's why we take pictures hunny, so that we can have the people we love the most with us all the time."

"Pen, can you be my mommy?" Jack asked and Hotch felt his face go red, he was about to go in when pen shook her head and lifted Jack's chin.

"I can't be your mommy hun, you have a mommy and no one can replace her. But I will be the best aunt you ever had. Okay" she said and hugged him, "Now why don't you go hug your daddy and get dressed."

"okay" Jack said and walked over to Hotch "I love you daddy"

"I love you to son" Hotch hugged his son back and handed him his clothes.

Standing back up he smiled at Penelope "thank you"

"Oh it was okay, he just needed a woman to hold on to for a little while" she said and walked back into the kitchen. Hotch watched her go thinking that holding onto her might just solve his problems too.

As soon as they got to work later they got called out on a case, it was in Idaho, so the team would be flying out. Penelope was nervous, something she rarely was. Hotch had just been shot the day before and now they were flying to Idaho for a case, and not just any case, a case about a trigger happy guy killing women. She was nervous.

Pushing back her chair she grabbed her recent prints outs and turned to leave, but nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw Derek standing in her doorway.

"My god Derek you nearly gave me a heart attack." she said and smiled at him.

"sorry" he said "I just wanted to talk to you really quick before we left."

"Okay Hot stuff what's up" she said and leaned back on her desk

"I wanted to say I was sorry about yelling at your house last month. It was stupid of me"

"I'll say it was. But its water under the bridge now sweet cheeks." pushing off the desk she went to walk around him when he put his hands up.

"No I'm not done." he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down. "I wish you would have said something to me about wanting kids, I know it wasn't really any of my business and I have been distant the last few months but were friends right?" she nodded " So why didn't you come to me. I would have helped you and been there for you"

Sighing Penelope sat back down in her chair "truthfully?" he nodded "If I had told you ,you would have blown it off and told me that I'd get married some day not to worry about it."

"oh"

"and I didn't want to hear it. I only told Hotch first because I had put in the resignation letter and he confronted me about it"

"you were going to quit?" he said and knelt down in front of her "see this is what I am talking about. I would have been there for you for every thing, and I mean every thing. If you had told me you wanted a kid I would have given them to you. I would have been there for every doctors appointment. For every craving, I would have been the one holding your hand when you brought that beautiful baby into this world."

" ok Derek, I.."

"No pen you should have come to me. It should be my baby that you are carrying. Not some random mans" he took her hands and kissed them "I love you baby girl."

"Derek, oh hun" she said and hugged him "I didn't know…"

"neither did I until you told us you were pregnant that's why I got so mad, I thought you had gone to Hotch. I thought the baby was Hotch's"

"Derek" she said and looked at him straight in the eyes "you know this could never happen right?"

"why?" he asked and her heart broke

"because I love you, but I can't love you like that. Were friends, best friends at one point and I don't know if I could go into something like this with you and not be waiting for you to just disappear like you have the last few months." She hugged him again "I love you but all we can be is friends"

"I'm so sorry Pen" he said as he clung to her. She was about to say something when someone cleared their throat . Looking up she saw Hotch standing there with is arms crossed.

"we need to leave" he said and glared at Morgan as he stood up "Now!"

"Aaron" Pen said as Derek left.

"No, what you do on your own time is your choice, but you keep it out of the office" he said and left leaving Penelope with tears in her eyes, he didn't even let her explain.


	6. sleeping

Three days later Penelope sat at her desk typing away when they phone rang. Looking at the caller ID she clicked end and then picked it up and called JJ. "Hey sugar mamma what can I do for you?"

"Did you just hang up on Hotch and call me?" JJ asked sounding worried

"Yes, I did so what can I do for you?" she asked getting agitated.

"I need you to look up a possible suspect for me…" JJ was cut off by Hotch "Garcia!"

But she hung up and then promptly called Derek's Phone "Okay quickly baby tell me the name"

"Cassidy Kemp" he said

"Ok I'll call you back when I get something:" Hanging up the phone she looked up the name, it came to her computer with bells and whistles. This girl had a rap sheet four miles long, and she was only 21. Dialing Reid's number she smiled as he picked up. "Okay Sweetie, I emailed you a …." but she was cut off by Hotch again.

"Garcia, stop this" he said but she hung up again and dialed JJ's number

"Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted again, I sent every thing to your lap top. Call me if you need anything else" hanging up she sighed, she'd just played musical phones and she was pretty sure she'd just lost her job. God this days sucked already.

An hour later Hotch sat in the front of their SUV driving towards the air port. Penelope hadn't talked to him in three days and it was killing him. When they had gotten on the plane to Idaho, Morgan had explained every thing to him, and Hotch felt like an ass. He had thought the worst and hadn't let her explain. Arriving on the tarmac he stepped out and dialed his sister in law's phone number.

"Hey Jess. Yeah were done, I should be home in a few hours. Yeah… hey can you do me a favor." five minutes later he was on the plane staring out the window as it took off. If everything went as planned Penelope would be talking to him before the next day.

Three hours later Hotch unlocked the door to his house and smiled when he walked in and smelt fresh baked cake. Setting his bag down on the floor he peeked around the corner into the kitchen. Penelope and Jack were sitting on the bar stools licking beaters and laughing. "I'm home" he said

"Hi daddy! Me and pen made cake!" Jack said and leapt into his arms.

"Did you! Wow can I have some?"

"Yes, but Pen said we have to wait until tomorrow because I can't have chocolate before bed." Jack said sadly "But she did say that you would help me frost it."

"And I will, come on its late lets get you into bed" he said and shot Penelope a thankful look "we need to talk when I get back"

"No you've got nothing to say I want to hear" she whispered and then smiled at Jack "I love you, now go get some sleep Aunt Penny has to go home, this baby is tired."

"Pen" Hotch said "Please"

"No" and he watched as she started picking up the mess in the kitchen. "I'll be done and gone before you get him down"

Hotch picked up his son and ran into the room hoping she was wrong. A miraculous three minutes later he walked out of the hallway and smiled when he saw Pen standing in the kitchen washing dishes. "you know I have a dishwasher right?"

"yes, but when I'm mad I do it like this." turning to him she glared. "Say what you have to say so I can go"

"Look I'm sorry I didn't think I just got mad. A thousand things ran through my head when I saw Morgan holding you like that."

"and why Mr. Hotchner would you care how Derek was holding me. Your not my husband, I can hold and touch anyone I feel like." unplugging the sink she turned around and pointer he finger at him " you have no business, He wanted to talk, he told me he loved me. And I should have leapt at the chance. He loves me!"

"Pen, please don't be mad at me I just got over protective. I didn't want him to decide he loved you only because you were pregnant" he took a step towards her and his heart broke when he saw a tear roll down her face, reaching out he brushed it away. "I'm sorry and I promise not to jump to conclusions anymore"

"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have hung up on you today" she said and hugged him.

"Oh, well everyone thought It was entertaining, they all held their phones in anticipation of who you were going to call next" he laughed.

He leaned back and put a hand on her stomach " Now, I know your tired so why don't you just crash in my room and I'll take the couch."

"No Aaron I can't do that" she said and pouted when he shook his head at her.

"no, its late and I wont have you driving home alone" he smiled when she sighed and nodded her head, "come on I'll grab you some pajama's"

"Aaron you wont have anything that will fit me I'm huge" she said and patted her just barely there baby bump.

Hotchner looked at her with her hair falling out of its pony tail and her hands on her stomach. "your beautiful, now come on"

Penelope woke up at three am and sat up, she wasn't in her own bed.. Oh yeah she was at Hotch's. climbing out of bed she went and checked on Jack and then walked down the hall, Hotch was sitting on the couch reading over a case file and doing paper work. " do you ever sleep?"

"no" he said as he set him pen down and looked over at her. "What are you doing up?"

"couldn't sleep" smiling at him she shook her head "it doesn't feel right you should be sleeping in your own bed and I should be out here"

"well… I could always sleep in there with you" he said and Penelope laughed when his face flushed "I promise to be good"

"Okay" she said and turned back down the hall way, feeling her heart beat a mile a minute. _Hotch is going to sleep in the bed with me!_ when they got to the bed room Hotch went straight to the bathroom the get changed and she climbed back under the covers pulling them up to her chin. When he came back out, he slipped under the covers next to her and turned towards her.

"you look like I'm going to bite you" he said laughing.

"well its not every day I get to sleep in the same bed as my boos" she smiled an lowered the covers "now be a good boy and go to sleep"

"and if I don't?" he asked and raised an eye brow at her

"I'll spank you!" she said and covered her mouth in embarrassment.

Hotch laughed out loud "Promises, Promises. Good night Pen"

"Good night Aaron" she said and sleep came easy this time.


	7. Blissful nothings

The next few months flew by in a flurry and suddenly Penelope was in her sixth month and Christmas was just around the corner. Her back hurt, her feet hurt and she could no longer wear High heels, Morgan refused to let her. And her waddle had started. Climbing the stairs to Hotch's office she sighed Thank God she was almost done with this pregnancy because she feeling as big as a house, her hormones were all over the place and she wanted to rape almost every man she came in contact with.

"Hotch!" she hollered when she reached his door "I'm going home, you want me to pick up Jack?"

"No, I'm leaving too" he said and pulled his jacket on "you want a ride home"

Rubbing her tummy she grinned at him "if it involves pickled cucumbers and ice-cream on the way. Yes I do"

"I'll never understand the pickled cucumbers." he said and she smiled when he took her arm and helped her down the stairs.

"She likes them… oh Hotch!" she said and grabbed his hand "Feel!"

Hotch smiled when he felt the baby kick his hand, and Penelope blushed when he knelt down on the ground and put his head to her stomach, "Hi baby girl"

"Hotch.." she said and tried to get him to stand back up. Finally he smiled and stood back up.

"Sorry just wanted to talk to her" he said and held out and elbow for her "well My Lady shall we go?"

"yes we shall. You owe me some pickled cucumbers!"

Later that night she was sitting in Hotch's living room eating ice-cream and watching Sabrina. Hotch was down the hall putting Jack down for the night, wiping away a stray tear she turned off the movie and stood up to stretch, pregnancy was killing her back. Walking into the kitchen she tucked her ice cream away in the freezer and looked around. "the movie all done" she heard and jumped,

"My god Hotch" she said and as she turned around she stopped He was standing at the kitchen door way with just his sweat pants on. " um yeah, so I need to go."

"Pen what's wrong?" he said and put his hands on her shoulders "your cars not even hear"

"Um I just have to go" she repeated and tried to control her breathing. He was making it hard to breath being this close with only pants on. She wanted to reach out and touch him and it was killing her that she couldn't.

"Pen?" he asked when she grabbed her purse and his keys.

"I'm taking the truck, I promise to bring it back tomorrow" she said heading for the door but Hotch got there first and stopped her.

"No tell me what's wrong?" he said looking like she had kicked his puppy.

Groaning she tossed his keys on the hall way table and glared at him. "You!"

"What?"

"you, your walking around half naked like it doesn't matter.."

"Pen, you've seen me with out a shirt before, you stay here all the time…"

"that's the problem, I'm six months pregnant and my hormones are all over the place," she huffed and stormed back into the living room with him hot on her heels. "God I haven't even …. Uhhhh!"

"Haven't even what Pen?" he asked and when she turned to look at him he was inches from her face and his hand was suddenly on her hip. "tell me"

"I can't" she said and took a step back. "you'll hate me"

"I could never hate you" he said and grabbed her hips and pulling her back to him. "but I'm pretty sure what you were going to say." and suddenly his lips were on her's and he was kissing her like he was afraid she would run away.

Penelope didn't care that this was her best friend or that he was her boss all she cared about was that he was kissing her and her legs now felt like jelly, not even Kevin had ever gotten a response like this from her. Putting her hands in his hair she moaned in his mouth.

"I have been wanting to do that for months" He said and took her hand " Is that what you were talking about Pen?"

"yes, God yes!" she said and jumped into his arms {literally}. He didn't even stumbled he just tucked one arm under her and one at her neck. " its been a whole year and every time I see you with out a shirt or I can smell you have just gotten out of the shower I just want to ravish you right there!"

"Every time I see you." he whispered and kissed her again carrying her into his bed room "it kills me to sleep in the same bed with you and not touch you." Kiss "not put my hands in your hair" kiss " it kills me every moment not to be able peel your clothes off of you and take you every moment I wake up and your there."

"oh" she said as he laid her on the bed and started to unbutton her shirt "oh Aaron."

"Your beautiful Pen" he said when her shirt was open and he unhooked her bra. She sucked in a breath when his lips touched her over sensitive breasts. Her hands were back in his hair holding him there, praying that he never stopped. And when he kissed his way back up to her mouth she sat back up and pulled her shirt all the way off, looking up at him she blushed "Are you sure Pen, I'll wait"

"No Aaron, I need you" she said and stood pushing her skirt to the ground. " I've needed you for way too long."

"Pen…" he said and his sweats joined her skirt on the ground. Before she knew it they were back on the bed and he was on top of her kissing every part that he could find and when he found that soft sensitive part between her legs, she cried out. _Kevin had certainly never done that!_ Soon she felt that burning deep in her stomach and pulled Hotch up, "what's wrong" he asked

"I want you with me , and in me now!" she said and pulled his face to hers kissing him, reaching down she grasped him and set him at her entrance

"Good God Pen!" he said and she lifted her hips as he pushed in, He pulled her legs over his shoulders and looked down at her "I don't think I can go Slow"

"I don't want you too" she panted. And he let go, crying out her name. She met him for every thrust, moaning his name and begging him to never stop. Suddenly she was on her knees her head in the pillow and he was holding onto her hips, she knew there would be bruises the next morning but she didn't care, This was Aaron, not her boss Hotch, no this was the man she had fallen in love with.

Feeling her stomach start to burn again she grabbed Hotch's hand and guided it to her sensitive nub, "come with me" she said and when he touched her that was all it took and she yelled out his name again

"Pen" he said and with one last thrust and spilled himself into her. Slowing down he hugged her, and brought her down to lay with him. "God woman, I don't think I could ever get enough of you"

And she blushed when he kissed the back of her neck. " I love you Aaron" she said and waited. Turning back to look at him she saw him laying now on his back with an arm over his eyes. "Aaron?"

"Pen.. I" he started but when he looked up at her, she knew. He didn't love her not like that.

Turning back over she wiped away a tear and sat up wrapping the sheets around her and grabbing her clothes off the floor. "Its alright Hotch" she said and started pulling her clothes back on. "I'll just barrow the truck now. I'll leave it at work for you tomorrow"

He didn't stop her from leaving this time.


	8. Finding It

Penelope called in sick the next morning and spent the day in bed watching horrible love movies and using up all the tissues in her apartment. Looking around she sniffled and stood up, she was being stupid and she knew it. How could she ever think that Hotch loved her, it was ridiculous. She wasn't his type, Hailey had been tall blond and beautiful. And she was, well she was one of a kind. Hearing the door bell ring she put her slippers on and stalked to the door,

"I swear if you don't go away!" she yelled but when she opened the door her heart melted, a delivery man was standing there with what looked liked three dozen purple roses.

"Penelope Garcia?" he asked

"Yes,"

"I have a delivery from Aaron Hotchner" he said and held out the flowers.

Putting up one finger she turned and grabbed her wallet off of the hallway table, pulled out a twenty and handed It to him. "Take those to the BAU split them between Jennifer Jerreau and Emily Prentiss, and tell Aaron Hotchner that if he wants to get on my good side he needs to try harder."

Shutting the door on a very stunned delivery man she walked back into her bed room and looked around once more. Opening her dresser she decided that it was time for a change, a big one.

Hotch sighed and turned off his office light, it had been three weeks since Penelope had last talked to him. After her 'sick day' she had come in and stalked right up Strauss' office demanding that she take some of her vacation time now. In the six years that she had worked there she had hardly taken any time, so she had enough time to take the rest of her pregnancy off and then some.

Getting into his car Hotch leaned his head on his steering wheel and sighed again. He was an ass, a big one. After they'd made love he botched it up, he had wanted to tell her he loved her more then the world and he would love nothing more then to keep her with him always, but he had stalled and she had taken it the wrong way. She had sent every flower to Emily and JJ. Sent every present back and even sent her key to his house back. He was dying with out her near him and it was starting to show. Deciding that there was nothing left to do he started up his car and steered it towards her apartment.

When he got there he stood in front of the door for a moment before knocking, getting no response he pulled out his key and tried it. Damn she had changed the locks! "Pen let me in!"

"she moved" turning he saw the neighbor standing in her doorway.

"What when?"

"Last week, told me it was time to get a bigger house since she was having that baby soon. Its about time If you ask me. She's a good woman its about time some one decided to get her to settle down. He's one lucky man." With that the neighbor turned and shut the door.

"yeah he is" Hotch said to no one and pulled out his phone as he went to his car after three rings it picked up. "JJ where did she move too?"

"I can't tell you that. You're a dick you know that" he could hear the sarcasm in her voice.

"I know that just tell me where she is. I need to see her… JJ I love her and I know I screwed things up" he said and started his car again.

"About damn time! I want her back, here let me go get her address…"

Thirty minutes later Hotch pulled up in front of a two story house in Arlington. I was white with burgundy trimming and a white picket fence, chuckling he climbed the steps to knock on the door when he heard something squeak, instinctively he reached for his gun and turned to see Penelope sitting on a porch swing staring at him.

"Can I help you …_sir?"_ she asked politely.

"you moved?" he said

"so? What do you care. And before you ask Derek helped, I didn't have to do anything but pack." Standing she stretched and walked towards the door, "What do you want"

"We need to talk." he stated simply.

"No not any more" opening the door she stepped in and tried to shut it on him but he held it open.

"I miss you" he whispered. He watched as her shoulders slumped and she moved back so that he could come in. Stepping in he smiled, the house was all her, from the never ending pictures on the walls to the multi-colored walls, There was antique furniture mixed with her bright fluffy purple couches. "This is nice"

"yeah, I needed more room. Its big enough for me and the baby." she said and walked to the kitchen motioning for him to fallow her. Opening the fridge she pulled out a beer for him and he raised an eye brow at her.

"Derek" she said and sat down at the table "say what you need to say"

"I'm stupid. Pen. I screwed up"

"I'll say.. I tell you I love you and you back off. You might as well have smacked me" she said "I really thought there could be something between us, but I guess I was wrong. And I get it Aaron I do, you're still getting over Hailey and Jack needs you so. I wont hold you to that night."

"but that's just it" he said and set his beer down "I do love you"

She looked up at him shocked " I love you more then you will ever understand I think I loved you far longer then even I know. I nearly died when you said you were leaving the BAU and I was so mad when you said you were pregnant because I figured Lynch had just up and left you."

"No, it was because of him I decided to have a baby I knew I could never find someone who would marry me, So I figured why wait" standing she walked up to him, took his hand and put it on her stomach. " and then you were there for every thing every appointment and every craving, you where what I was waiting for I was just to late."

"you weren't to late I'm just a stupid, stupid man" he said and kissed her. It felt like he was home, standing in that house holding her and telling her he loved her. "Promise me you'll never stop talking to me for so long, I don't think I could take it."

"only if you promise to never hold back and always tell me how you feel." she whispered against his chest.

"I promise"

"UHHHH" Penelope yelled as she gripped the bed she was standing next too. She had been in labor for five hours, and Hotch still hadn't come. She was three days overdue and when a case had come up in California she had shooed him away because her doctor had told her she had at least another week. Stupid lying doctors. She had started having pains the night before after she had left work and had gone home hoping they would go away. At five that morning she had given up and called a taxi to take her to the hospital.

Five hours later she was standing in a hospital room, breathing through her contractions and trying to walk around the room. The nurse had offered to give her drugs but stupid her had opted to do it the natural way.

Laying back down on the bed she cursed her self again, she wished she had let Hotch stay behind like he wanted too.

"Ms. Garcia, let check how far you've progressed" the doctor said as he came in.

"okay" she said and assumed the position.

"well, you seem to be coming along nicely, your at a 9, let me get the nurse, you'll be having this baby in no time." he said and she grabbed his wrist when he turned to leave.

"No I wont" she ground out " Aaron isn't here yet, this baby is staying in until he is here"

The doctor chuckled and patted her hand "its okay"

"Uhhhh" she groaned again as a rather painful one came. "Aaron Where the hell are you !"

"right here" opening her eyes she saw him come into the room and throw his coat on the bed "I got here as fast at I could"

"Oh Aaron! I can't do this!" she said and clung to him.

"yes you can. Come on sit up" he said and climbed onto the bed to sit behind her. "the doc will be right back and then were going to have this baby"

"It hurts," she cried and glared at the nurse when she came in "I want those drugs now"

"Sorry dear its to late, its time to start pushing" she said and moved aside so that the doctor could sit at the end of the bed.

"Okay, Ms. Garcia.. Push!"

And she did for twenty minutes she pushed and yelled at the doctors, but it was all worth it in the end when her baby girl came out screaming. Looking up at Aaron she smiled and he kissed her head "I'm so proud of you Pen"

When the doctor laid her little girl in her arms she stopped crying all at once and peeked on little eye open "hey there baby, I'm your mama. Oh Aaron look at her"

"she looks just like you" he kissed her forehead again and then touched the baby's face "I told you she would."

After Penelope was cleaned up and moved to a different room, the team came in bearing gifts. JJ and Emily were the first to hold the baby cooing and giggling,

"you know Hotch she has your hair" JJ said and when Reid went to correct her and spout something about how unrealistic that was she shot him a glare.

"I think she looks just like her mamma" Derek said and took her from JJ "So what are you naming her?"

Penelope looked up at Hotch and smiled "Hailey Jane Hotchner"

"Pen" he said and leaned down to kiss her "you don't have too."

"of course I do, Hailey was my friend and I can't name her Garcia because that's not her daddy last name" she said

"thank you" he whispered and smiled.

"Okay kids come on its time to go lets go get jack and head home" Rossi, as Morgan handed little Hailey back to Hotch "Congratulations man"

"thank you for taking Jack for the night I will pick him up tomorrow" Hotch said and smiled down at the baby.

"No rush, Dave here says he can handle a six year old and I'm going to have fun watching" Emily said and ducked out the door after every one.

Turning back to Penelope he sat down on the bed next to her and smiled down at their daughter "I guess this means your mama is going to have to marry me now"

"Aaron?" Penelope asked

"I was going to ask when I got back, but our little girl didn't want to wait" he answered and leaned over the wipe a tear from her face. " I love you and this little girl I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world."

"I love you, and thank you. I couldn't have asked for a better husband" reaching up she kissed him on the lips and then kissed their daughter. After years of looking and giving up, she finally found her family in her stoic boss and the little girl who had brought them together.

* * *

{tear} well my lovely readers Its done. I hope you all enjoyed it. I've really loved all the feed back, you guys are why I kept on writing.

Xoxoxox Randi


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